Pat Robertson Warns New Orleans

A reliable source reported that Pat Robertson dropped 50 dimes on the Super Bowl due to his misplaced faith in Peyton Manning.  Mr. Robertson stated, "All the experts, even the New York Times, were talking about this guy being the second coming.  All I've been hearing for the past month is that he studies film 23 hours a day, teaches his coaches how the game should be played, and intimidates these 350 pound offensive linemen into protecting him just by giving them that look of his.  Hell, I used to think Tom Brady was as good as Peyton until that supermodel wife he married sapped and impurified all his precious bodily fluids.  I learned though.  I thought I saw the light.

"Jesus H. Christ......the way Peyton played this year?  Damn.  There's no way that little putz Brees could outplay him.  Not unless there was something hinky.  It's not the 50 grand that bothers me so much.  There's a sucker born every minute.  I'll get the money back in no time.  It's just that I don't like feeling like a f*!#ing retard!  Now I'm really thinking that something's not kosher.  The way God punished New Orleans with Katrina.  There's no way he's gonna let them win the Super Bowl less than five years later.

"Then, after the game, I hear Brees say, 'God is great.'  Wait a minute.  I've heard that before. 'Allahu Akbar.'  Man, Brees was is in on this thing too. That's when I realized....the Goddam devil again.  He made a pact with those bastards so they could beat somebody that obviously no human could beat.  I should've figured.  Well, I'm not only gonna go get my money back from my sheep, but I'm gonna buy up a bunch of cheap property in that stinking town, take out a shitload of flood insurance, and laugh my ass off all the way to the bank when God drowns those bastards like the rats they are. God IS great."

We wanted confirm this story as being 100% accurate, so we tried to get God's take on it. The only communication we received was the following: