New Tea Party Flag Clarifies the Message

David Barstow's excellent article in today's New York Times shows that The Tea Party is a movement whose time has come. History repeatedly has shown that a small, minority movement that the majority of people in a given culture find harmless and ridiculous may be neither. Sometimes such a movement strikes enough of a chord with enough of the population to wind up playing a tune that the aforementioned deriders wind up dancing to. Look at a certain party in 1930's Germany or the Republican Party in 2010 Massachusetts. These are just two among many. It seems that the Tea Party is about to join them.

Picking up momentum, the Party had Assistant Dragon in Charge of Advertising, Jerry Gierrechoff, come up with a new flag that already is a rousing hit. Heinz Edelmann, the 14-faceted creator of Pepperland, loved the flag's look, comparing its background to the color he used in "Yellow Submarine," except more uriney. Gary Gadsden, descendant of Christopher Gadsden, whose flag the new Tea Party flag resembles, laughed, "Old Chris must be spinning like a top, but he supposedly had a great sense of humor and would probably come back to give a speech to the Party if they'd agree to pay him a hundred thousand dollars. Ha, ha." A good sense of humor apparently runs in the family.

Mr. Gierrechoff told us that the flag's release is an indication that the Party wants to clarify its message. He said, "Glenn Beck has great American sponsors like General Motors, Campbell's, and Chrysler, who make great products and aren't connected to the Jewish bankers and green hippies who want to bring this country down. And ditto for the good oil people who support Sarah Palin. These people not only pump energy and money into the economy, but they actually write a lot of the laws that help us, the good laws, not the welfare and death panel laws that Obama and those people want. So if they're already writing the laws, do we really need Congress? Maybe all we need is a government that will help these good companies to govern us better and protect our liberties. We're all for more freedom for the police and the military.

"Look, most of our party's members got really scared after 9/11, and we agreed to give up our rights because we trusted George Bush and Dick Cheney to protect us. And, except for 9/11, they did. But we wouldn't have agreed to give the executive branch so much power if we'd known that the Homeland would go crazy and elect a Negro Socialist President. I mean, I have nothing against Negroes or even against National Socialists. We invite them to join our party. A lot of people come to our meetings, and we need food to be served and the place cleaned up, and Negroes, Mexicans and other servant-type people are genetically good at that. A lot of us in the Party are educated in science, you know. Sarah Palin, in particular, is a promoter of science.

"So what I'm trying to say is that we want a kind of rainbow coalition with the light colors on top and a pot of gold at the end. You know, we've already got a lot of thinkers in this party, and now we need some doers to do what we're thinking, and we invite all races to join us, even Moslems, if they agree to get baptized and eat pork, which real Americans should do. Heck, where would Osama bin Laden be if he didn't have people to go blow themselves up for him? We need good people too." Mr. Gierrechoff's reasoning impressed me, and I agreed that people of color should not hesitate to join the Tea Party and help all the good companies that govern us do a better job. So, what are you waiting for? Join up already people.